Love with a classmate

I never dreamed that this would ever happen to me. Being so shy and having grown up with the same people for 13 years of my life, I never once thought that I would literally fall in love until I was at least in college, away from my small town. But I did, and I have.
I’m a senior in high school, and I can definitely say that this year has been one of the most riveting school years of my life. My grades have gotten from ok to excellent, which is great, and i have made fine friends & have become a more confident person. But, as you’ll soon find out, it has not been all sunshine, either.
Last fall, since I love acting, I decided to be in the school’s fall play, and that meant spending nearly every day with the girl that I am now in love with. She joined, too, and I have nothing but good memories of her and I as we worked with everyone else to get the performance on. Back then, I had nothing more than a major crush on her. I didn’t think about her every day and night, and pine for her every day and night like I do now. I honestly don’t know where these feelings came from. I’ve known this girl ever since kindergarten; like everyone else, I grew up with him. So why the intense feelings?
But it is true that she has attracted me these many years. She seemed to always stand out from every other girls in my grade, with everything that I have always liked so much about her. I have always noticed how gorgeous and sweet she is, but it wasn’t until I started working with her last fall that i realized how much i liked her.

Well, eventually, the play got finished up, and i started to really miss her. Christmas vacation came and went, and when i got back to school after almost 2 weeks of not seeing him or talking with her, I felt this strange ache inside of me. That feeling was nothing compared to what i would feel soon after.
The couple weeks that followed coming back from vacation, i found myself staring at her more and thinking about her more and more…until the school gave out a 3 day break again, and that’s when i felt my life changing. Over the course of those three days off from school, i gradually began to feel this terrible, terrible longing for her. It was so intense, i couldn’t believe it; i had never felt that way before in my life. That was the first time that I considered that i had fallen in love with her. But i would not believe my feelings, and i felt convinced that if i just saw her again when i got back to school, everything would be cleared up and i wouldn’t feel that way. I thought it was all fake.
Wishful thinking.
When I got back to school and i saw her, i felt those awful feelings nudging for some air, but i wouldn’t give it to them…I wouldn’t feel that way for a girl i have known my whole freaking life. But as you can probably guess, i did anyway, and so started the most hellish experience that I have ever known. I hope everybody reading this doesn’t ever go through the same hell that I am, because it sucks so bad.
For seven agonizing weeks now, I have stared at him, longed for him, thought about her-more than i have ever thought about anything in my life. I would pay money for him to be happy, to be secure and safe for the rest of his life; i would pay money to see her anywhere, anytime; i would gladly take a bullet for her. I have realized that he is my dream girl…..and i know that she doesn’t love me back. To her, i am just a classmate, another boring, non-important classmate. But i dream about him almost every night, i worry about him….i love her with all that i have. But she doesn’t know. She has no idea. And it doesn’t help that only a couple acquaintances of mine know this about me. It doesn’t help that she is so popular and beautiful, and we are in our freakin last year of school, and in 2 months, i might not ever see him again, because we would have gone our separate ways after graduating. But God, i want hem in my life. I want hem more than i have ever wanted anything before. I DO NOT want to lose hem; i don’t care if i have to wait, because i will, but what if i wait too long? What if she gets engaged with someone else without ever knowing how i feel about her? that cannot happen. I am terrified, and i mean terrified of losing her.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *